I am thoughtful at this sunday. This weekend could be the last of my old life i have. My family plans are going in the final state and next week becomes a important one.
I sit here and i think about my future. I trade my old dreams for new one´s and i hope that my future will be bright and wonderful even i see some clouds at the sky. But that´s not bad. Without rain there is no rainbow and without night there is no sunrise. So not bad to have a problem from time to time. But be honest, we all dream from a perfect future right ?
Last week was a sad one. I saw a dream die and a rule of my own life failing. I saw how a a family broke up. See that happens 1000 times, but in this case it broke my heart a bit, because it was the base of my own dreams. I mean if a perfect one break up how should my imperfect base work ?
My little family, wife and me, we are for sure not a stable base for a family. We both are a bit childish and we both live big dream even we go to far some times. But with the dream we both have we thought we can do it. Motivated due to the other family i changed my attitude and thought about my inconstant life and thought that with 33 it is time to start a halfway stable life, with kids and i realized that one of my biggest fear of the past, to get old in my hometown and with the same job like my mom´s life was, would become my future if i do the last step with my wife. I thought this fear is not bad, cause i saw that in another case it brings so much luck that i not fear this normal future anymore. But then i saw that in the case of the other family it not worked.
No i am really unsure. See, if some family which was the base of my dream, which i thought it was perfect not working, how could mine work. Weird thinking, right ? But that´s what bother my soul now.
But in the end i come to a conclusion. The others not have one thing i have. I never doubt my love, i never doubt my relationship. Sure when wife quarrel we both say sometimes stuff that we doubt but when we look in the others eyes we are see that are just words, our soul tell us different. Wife or myself never doubt our love. That´s a big difference to others. We never think about what if .....
We never think about leaving each other, we never think about what if love dies. Cause our life´s are connected. See, after 10 Years of relationship my wife and i still do all together, we still kissing each day like teens, we still tell us "i love you" ten time a day, we still discover some new in the other from day to day. Every day i wake up and see her i tell myself: YOU GOT IT ! I am rich of love cause i have her at my side. My life is unstable and weird, but my love is strong. My love is my base, and i am sure if all others fail, my love can fix all problems for us without failing.
That´s why so many marriage broke. They always doubt things.
Most relationships are start with doubts. Die the others love me, did this last forever ? First questions most people ask them self when starting a new love. I never asked myself those questions when i met my wife. I saw her and i know that i never let her go if she is willing to do the same.
I found out that a strong relationship just need two things. That is love and closeness.
Time together, spend in love is the biggest base for a bright future and the greatest hope in dark nights when you are in desperations.
See a few years ago a did some mistakes and told my wife at one evening: It is better you go and leave me. It is not right to stand at my side after what´s happened.
She had tears in eyes and just shake head. Without words i saw she not doubt my love, not doubt my future, and she not even think a moment about leaving me. These time back than were dark and hopeless but in this time i found out that the love of my wife is my light in the darkest moments of my life. Now i remember those bad days i have a smile on my face. Even time were hard, i was never alone. And i am sure i never will be until i die. This all is a difference to the other family which failed.
Sad moments are less sad together, good ones become better when share.
So i am sure if i go this way, may little family project will be a big win, and our love will grow with my family grow. Cause i trust in love, i trust in love till infinity, and i not doubt, i never really did.
I am just sure that it work. And if it fails, ........ no it not fails. I thought about all, and still find no problem which can make it a fail.
Love always win, and YES friends, LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED. Most people forgot this fact in theses times.
You not need money, no great job, or some like that. Money not smile, a job not give a hug.
See it and know it, tust in your love. And fight for it. If your love weakens, fight and fight and not give up. Try to get it back, and YES get it back or die trying. To give up on love is like die. So i personal can give just that advice. If you give up on your love, you give up life and the reason you be on this planet.
With this words i end my journey to my soul. Net week will set my life new from the base, but this base is strong. So i smile and look forward what my life brings to me. I see a bright future. I always wanted to be important for the world. But why for the world, it is enough to be important for the persons you love, that´s more than any other.
Love and Live are not accidental written almost similar. Live is not possible without Love <3
Have a nice sunday and a bright future,
Shinji-kun
